I am back from my break, hiatus, hibernation.. whatever you may call it. I’m not sure what it was that made me stop writing. Maybe it was school, and moving, and being “busy,” and seemingly starting a new phase in my life. But for some reason, this passion and need for to see my thoughts typing themselves out in this text box was not there. The passion lied dormant for the past five months or so. And I, I remained voiceless, my ideas weren’t going anywhere, and I felt that I had nothing to write about… which is probably untrue. I had ample opportunities to do what I do best: dissect any topic in any way, shape, or form of my choosing.
So this return, I think, stems from the following:
The other night, I was working on my personal statement for my grad school application –still unreal– and nothing was coming to me. Every sentence that I started typing was quickly erased, and only invisible self-doubt and self-consciousness remained on the white pixels. So, I needed some inspiration and turned to my old blog posts and papers I wrote. At first, it seemed to me that a stranger wrote those works. The writing was eloquent, lively, colorful, vivid. Ideas were coherent, and the language spoke in a discernible voice of some version of me in the past. And as much as I tried to bring this voice back to life in my current writing, I couldn’t. Whatever thoughts I had were bland, gray, and appeared as if they could’ve been uttered by any mediocre writer.
As I lied in bed earlier, unable to fall asleep, I felt it –the stirring in my guts, the neurons firing in my brain (no, I was not tripping on anything), the thoughts racing, and the words coming to life. I felt the hunger of writing, of making sense of thoughts and ideas through words.
And oh what a great feeling it is. I’ve missed it.
Welcome back.