Something strange happened to me this week. It was a moment of clarity.
Back in January, I got my haircut. The event wasn’t unusual, but it inevitably left a physical mark. The haircut I got was shorter than what I am used to, but I liked it for the first few days. It was quick and easy to fix, required little work, and was just there. However, after that initial liking, I found that I couldn’t do anything with my hair, the proportions of the top, back, and sides were off –it was just boring. And so for the past few months, I have not done anything with my hair and was rather annoyed with it. It was flat, lifeless, indifferent.
But this week, I decided to take on the challenge of styling my hair. I showered, and dried my hair until it was somewhat damp. I approached the blow drier anxious, resentful, yet determined. plugged it in, faced myself in the mirror, and was ready to attack that dark mop of hair on top of my head. I tried to re-learn those movements of my hands as I held the blow drier and the hair brush. At some point in time, I was so proficient at it that I could style my hair in 10 minutes. And so I slowly but surely accomplished what I’ve set myself to do. I managed to get closer to being content with my hair..
As I was looking at myself in the mirror, I realized that the person looking back at me was someone familiar.. I finally started recognizing myself. It wasn’t the fact that my hair was finally looking decent. It was my attitude about the whole thing.. It was the effect of seeing my best friend who reminded me who I am, and who I want to be.
I remember reading Eat, Pray, Love and encountering the following quote:
“Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend”.
I liked the idea of seeing yourself as a friend, but I never know what she entirely meant when she wrote that. It took great desperation, self-qustioning and doubt, somewhat of a mini-crisis for me to really see myself in that manner.. It is weird to explain. But I’m getting back to myself.
Small steps, but in the right direction.