Brown Eyes

She said to me: “I have to tell you, sparkling eyes like yours, be careful with them.. You have to learn how to use them. They can get you into some trouble”.

Advertisements

23 Things I learned from my Best Friend

1. You can never use too many bounce sheets when drying your laundry.

2. Henry VIII is a BAMF.

3. Laying in your bed with your laptop on your belly while eating peanut butter out of a jar is an art form.

4. You can take the Chicagoan out of Chicago, but you can’t take Chicago out of the Chicagoan.

5. Crying is ok.

6. NOTHING beats the Chicago Mix from Garrett’s.

7. Best friends are rare, but once you find one, you know it.

8. You can never use too many forms of communication to bug your other half.

9. Dogs aren’t scary.

10. Skype therapy sessions are a gift.

11. Eat good food.

12. Laugh at the stupidest things.

13. Be loud and don’t give a crap about what other people think.

14. Quoting and referencing movies and YouTube videos is effective communication.

15. You can communicate with one look.

16. I love it when you call me names.. cause no one will understand out weird relationship.

17. It is possible for my parents to love my friends.

18. A month of crappy cell service won’t change anything.

19. Post-work or pre-work coffee dates.. I miss them.

20. Holden Caulfield. ‘Nuff said.

21. Find the people who love and support you no matter what.

22. Be philosophical and nonsensical at the same time –it’s possible.

23. If you love someone (in any form of love), take every chance that you get to tell them that.

————————————————————–

Dear KD,

Happy birthday!

There are no words to describe how grateful I am to have you in my life. You are an inspiration to me. Keep on being passionate, keep dreaming, keep being who you are. You deserve the best, and I intend on constantly remind you of that!

We’ll celebrate soon. I promise!

Love.

I Can’t

I’ve been sitting in the library for 20 minutes attempting to solve a simple chemistry problem. I can’t, for the life of me, come up with the way of doing it. I’ve done these problems many times before in my countless previous chemistry classes, but I just can’t.

I have come to absolutely hate my major. I hate chemistry with a passion.

It’s not that I hate the material –I find science fascinating. It’s the fact that I can’t sit still solving problems all day and night when I don’t see how they impact anything. It’s like memorizing words you’ll never use.. or learning words, but not the language. It’s useless.. I’m not going to get a PhD in chemistry or teach it for all I know. So what am I doing? It feels like I’m wasting time and energy. It’s a frustrating processes that yields zero satisfaction and results in complete lack of motivation.

I’m doing this for a grade.. for a piece of paper.

Only 89 days to go. Let’s just get it over with.

8,000 Miles

It all started with a song repeating the line “It’s time to run.” I was sitting on that bus in March. The rain was patting on the windows lightly, and I could vaguely see the outside through the condensation. It’s time to run.. I was trying to decide if I should to take that opportunity and send myself to California for a summer program. And so, with those words, i decided that yes, it’s time. I realized that “if not now, then when?” rang true at that moment. Do it now because you don’t know what will happen. And so I did. I told them I was coming, and from there my summer plans slowly began taking shape.

—————————————————————-

This past summer, I travelled 8,000 miles.

31 days of hating the lab. 31 days of loving Durham. 

26 days of the most amazing experience with a group of people who became family.

7 days of fun in LA with my cousin.

7 days of spending time with my best friend. 7 days of falling in love with Chicago.

Some days at home when I finally got to see my family.

A couple of nights in DC.

4 days of Boston and Cape Cod.

5 days of becoming a true Tar Heel at CU.

—————————————————————-

I am still trying to make sense and process in the deepest levels all that happened in those three and a half months. This summer has been a journey of self discovery, discovery of others, knowing myself on a different level.

—————————————————————-

I’m scared to admit that it is over..

Maybe this post is a testament to that.

Acceptance

This is going to be a short one.

There is a saying that if we want to find love, we must love ourselves first. I have come to the conclusion that the same goes for our actions and our pasts: if we want others to accept our actions, past, and baggage, we must accept it first.

I know I talk about accepting the unchangeable, steer away from brooding, and what not. But yesterday, for the first time, I came to accept and be open about something that I have done. It was something that I was so embarrassed by, hurt by, and so deeply ashamed of, that I decided to bury it deep deep inside me and pretend as if it didn’t happen.

And at one moment, I decided that dishonesty is not the way to live, and that keeping on lying is not me, and it is unfair to those around me. And so, the possibility of rejection and judgement, I went ahead and said what I had to say.

It was scary.. but I had to do it and be vulnerable. I had to be my true self, and with that, as I previously learned, comes a cost. The cost of severed connections.. but sometimes we have to take that risk.